heart of darkness

in the hour before dawn

night's shadow enfolds the sleeping world

in her heart of darkness

cool and empty

a space of no Wanting

welcome respite from the Fire

ah! Fire!

that had saved me

awakened/lit the fuse of my Desire

warming glow to searing fountain

of flame

now engulfing that Secret Place

i thought was Safe

no Center, no Balance

chakras collapse into each other like broken puppets

cast aside for newer games

if the Center cannot hold, all love is lost

there can be no Gift of Self

if there is no Self to Give

enter midnight's womb

without stars or rays of light

to pierce the black curtain

now rung down on this Show

i receive the Darkness

like the Communion Host

sweet on my tongue

filling my soul

and spreading Quiet and Peace

within

and from that deepest stillness

emerge to Light again

i will not be a leaf

tossed and whirled by the current

but become the current itself

as it rushes to the sea

coming at last

to the Silence of wide waters

back to the unseen ebb and flow

of all Beginning

as the flower bends

to the weight of the bee

sipping Life

so i bend

to the blessed weight of Spirit

taking Joy in my essence

and returning Life to me

a hundredfold

glass bead game

 

 

 

                                                                                                                MC Escher  

 

The days slip off the chain of my life

Like beads from a broken necklace

Scattering

They roll under the dresser, under the bed

Lost in the carpet

Sucked into the ravenous maw of the vacuum

Along with cat hair, carpet fuzz and broken plastic toys

Discarded without thought

Or consciousness

I am thus depleted

 

Yesterday

In an overlooked corner

A bead of purple glass appeared

Held to the light, an image came to view

A summer day of years ago

When you and I were young

Our faces lit with so much love

More luminous even

Than the sun-drenched sky

That day, so long forgotten

In the Rush to Life

Opened the golden eyes of memory

And I could feel the hot sun on my skin

Hear the breakers crash and roar

Taste the salt air on my lips

along with your kisses

 

where had they gone,

these memories?

In haste, I scoured every nook and cranny

Finding sometimes one bead, sometimes two

Or more

And each one held a vision from my past

My father’s 52 Olds, that he named Susie

My mother putting wet laundry in the fridge

Till “the girl” came in to do the ironing

My brothers’ endless battles, my sister’s hacked up dolls

Girl Scout camp and family vacations

Fighting over the “back back” of our station wagon

Moving day and laundry day

And the day my brother died

 

You’d think I’d have remembered that

Our house festooned with black

Mirrors covered

Mother dry-eyed in the corner chair

Stunned beyond belief

No child noise in the house for once

All games put aside

In the vast moonscape of grief

So many long lost friends

Now dust, but vibrant still and glowing

In hearts of glass

Living forever in the eyes

Of those who can find

Just the right angle to capture the Light

 

Alas, here comes the Nurse

What was her name?

No matter

I know what she will say

“Miz Twinin’, y’all know you ain’t supposed

T’be playin with them beads.

Doc’ll Skin Me and I let you choke.

C’mon give ‘em to me now, and I’ll just put ‘em safe.”

Quickly I reach out

My worn and veiny hand

And cover One

The bluest clearest one

So like your eyes, that rivaled Heaven

In Brightness and in Hue

 

The heart that pulses in this bead,

I know, is the day we first made love

You always looked so Young

When we came together

No matter how old we grew

I could ever see that boy in you

The Wonder and the Music

Bathing me like rain

After a drought

 

I slip the bead into the pocket of my robe

As Nurse approaches

They think that I remember Nothing

And thus I am the Master of the Game

 

 

i have loved you

Since the Dawn of Creation
I have loved you
And my Love rained down in torrents
Carving steep gorges, filling hollows
twisting roaring
Scouring earth and boulders from the Path
Cascading Falls plunging
From Heaven to Beneath the Darkness

From the Beginning of Time
I have loved you
And my Love blazed forth in molten sunlight
Awakening seeds sown by cosmic dust
Illumination, Sacred Fire
Making all things Possible

For millennia uncounted
I have loved you
And my Love sustains you
When Storms approach and Stars appear to dim
When Heaven seems a million miles away
I am here
So Know that soon the Sun will shine again

You are my Beloved
there is no Pain you can suffer Alone
no Night so Dark
that Dawn will not find you at last
and touch her rosy fingers to your face
your heart, your spirit,
remind you of the Joy of Coming Home

praise then Creation unfinished!
world borne
from fiery womb of world
ever-changing
mountains rear like angry beasts
stark and jagged-toothed;
roaring waters
rip and tear the earth
like paper
heaving giant trees aside
rending, destroying
creating
praise then Being uncreated!

Awakening

“I’ll let you be in my dream

If I can be in yours…” Bob Dylan

Infant Buds unfurl

Painfully stretching silken petals

Gush of waters

From Winter’s Fastness

The pangs of Birth

And the rush of nectar

Rise of sap

Swelling blossoms

Open to the Sun’s golden kisses

They know neither drought

Nor frost

These shall not hide,

Curled tightly, closed in Fear

Or maybe Disillusion

Clinging in apprehension to the woody carapace

Joy remembered only in Dreams

of Another Life

They have never known

disappointment hurt confusion

their only memories

of sweet faces long gone

shades of ancient smiles and laughter

images in the sunset sky

myths and legends

understood at birth, imprinted in the Blood

and Forgotten at one’s peril

the wind

may dash them to pieces

keening of long-ago pain and sorrow

or strengthen their resolve

but there is no stopping this Burgeoning

it was your Touch

the Heat of it reaching the core of my Being

it was your Voice

like wind whispering in the Upland Meadows

it was your Spirit

locked with Mine in Love and Duelling

it was your Song

that Opened me

Poised at the edge

Of the womb of All Creation

The Vastness inspires Terror

But Freedom must come from Taking Flight

Leaping into the Sky without wings

buoyed by the Cosmic Wind

generated by countless stars

can I, must I

leave you behind? go where you are not?

Or are you so deeply imbedded

In my Heart of Hearts

That all my Futures are a Manifestation

Of the mysteries we share?

The Excellent thing

About Eternal Silent Moments

Is that they last

Forever

resurrection/counterpoint

Listen

as the flowers of the night release their scent

What lovers do they draw

when all the world lies sleeping?

your mouth, your skin, your essence

taste like rain, clean, like dew

or that minute drop of honeysuckle nectar,

so fleeting

that you wonder if you tasted at all

yet sweetly satisfying

At times

the molten sun pours down from incandescent sky

Clouds pooled like spilled silk

in shades of pearl and grey

shadows shifting dark and light

then like smoke you disappear

absorbed into the clear air

no one can hold you

intangible

as the last ray of light at sunset

haunting the edges of my dreams

a glance away, you are gone

breath of your scent

the only sign

you were ever almost in my arms

This desolate land is blooming

Dreams growing Wild

The blood humming in my veins

Like a bass line played by magic fingers

you ever keep me wanting more

elusive devastatingly elusive

you are

and i have yet to know you well enough

to catch all your waves

Listen

To the music in your Soul

And walk across the desert

With me

desire

Want want want

id ego id ego id ego

Like falling downstairs, so easy

No questions

Or drowned in the Roar

We are not Silent

Your name in my mouth

Sounds so sweet

Stop my speech with your kisses

And your name will still haunt my lips

Expanding in Light, Arms stretched to the Sky

From tightly locked chasm

To Flaming Explosion

Worlds are burning

Worlds are Lost in the Fires of Wanting

Are we Dead?

Scorched and Broken? The Blackened Ruse

of Generations

tempting the Future with Dreams of Joy?

Shriveled husks laughing in gasps and wheezes

Dry dead and gone

Blown away?

i want to trace your face with my fingertips,

kiss you in wonder, stare into your eyes.

i want to touch you o so softly gently,

never stop

and all the ways i would please you…

see how selfish i am?

want want want...

That’s the One

That Star out there

Brighter in the firmament

Than any other

That’s the One

Sunshine Dancers

Dancers sparkling in the Sun

Like Diamonds in the grass

Sliding sinuously into the grooves and furrows

Left in the wake of scorching guitar solos

Hearts beat as one with the drum

Blood singing singing singing in our veins

The Energy of the Music Rises

Fills Engages

Joins our Spirits with the musicians

And theirs with ours

And with each other

And all the Dancers on the floor

We spin we whirl we glide

The notes pick us up and toss us

Into the stratosphere

We draw in other Dancers

And laugh to see the Joy of the Dance

on others' faces

The bass hums in my Blood

Voice, the sweetest blade

that ever opened Heart

Guitar burns So Good in my Center

Drums, and my feet pound the Earth

Horns, and I cry out loud

The Sacred and the Profane

Like Jehova/666

AvatRgrrl

Even God Loves the Dance

and must treat with the Devil

to receive her Joy

A lusty Dream

To exhaust oneself Dancing

Hair tangled and wild

Face flushed with Ecstasy

Sharing that Moment

In the Open and in Secret

All Stories are Possible

In the Sun/Moon Dance

We fast from Food/Water/Speech

for three days and three nights

Dancing to the World Tree

Coming Face to Face with God through Dance

Coming Face to Face with our Selves

And taking that Energy back out into the World

Dance is the expression of Ecstasy

The Dark and the Light

Ecstasy is Prayer

All Prayer rises to Godhead

And Returns to us as Overwhelming Love