Sunday, July 25, 2010

heart of darkness

in the hour before dawn
night's shadow enfolds the sleeping world
in her heart of darkness
cool and empty
a space of no Wanting
welcome respite from the Fire

ah! Fire!
that had saved me
awakened/lit the fuse of my Desire
warming glow to searing fountain
of flame
now engulfing that Secret Place
i thought was Safe

no Center, no Balance
chakras collapse into each other like broken puppets
cast aside for newer games
if the Center cannot hold, all love is lost
there can be no Gift of Self
if there is no Self to Give

enter midnight's womb
without stars or rays of light
to pierce the black curtain
now rung down on this Show

i receive the Darkness
like the Communion Host
sweet on my tongue
filling my soul
and spreading Quiet and Peace
and from that deepest stillness
emerge to Light again

i will not be a leaf
tossed and whirled by the current
but become the current itself
as it rushes to the sea
coming at last
to the Silence of wide waters
back to the unseen ebb and flow
of all Beginning

as the flower bends
to the weight of the bee
sipping Life
so i bend
to the blessed weight of Spirit
taking Joy in my essence
and returning Life to me
a hundredfold

Saturday, July 17, 2010

glass bead game

The days slip off the chain of my life
Like beads from a broken necklace
They roll under the dresser, under the bed
Lost in the carpet
Sucked into the ravenous maw of the vacuum
Along with cat hair, carpet fuzz and broken plastic toys
Discarded without thought
Or consciousness
I am thus depleted

In an overlooked corner
A bead of purple glass appeared
Held to the light, an image came to view
A summer day of years ago
When you and I were young
Our faces lit with so much love
More luminous even
Than the sun-drenched sky

That day, so long forgotten
In the Rush to Life
Opened the golden eyes of memory
And I could feel the hot sun on my skin
Hear the breakers crash and roar
Taste the salt air on my lips
along with your kisses

where had they gone,
these memories?
In haste, I scoured every nook and cranny
Finding sometimes one bead, sometimes two
Or more
And each one held a vision from my past
My father’s 52 Olds, that he named Susie
My mother putting wet laundry in the fridge
Till “the girl” came in to do the ironing
My brothers’ endless battles, my sister’s hacked up dolls
Girl Scout camp and family vacations
Fighting over the “back back” of our station wagon
Moving day and laundry day
And the day my brother died

You’d think I’d have remembered that
Our house festooned with black
Mirrors covered
Mother dry-eyed in the corner chair
Stunned beyond belief
No child noise in the house for once
All games put aside
In the vast moonscape of grief

So many long lost friends
Now dust, but vibrant still and glowing
In hearts of glass
Living forever in the eyes
Of those who can find
Just the right angle to capture the Light

Alas, here comes the Nurse
What was her name?
No matter
I know what she will say
“Miz Twinin’, y’all know you ain’t supposed
T’be playin with them beads.
Doc’ll Skin Me and I let you choke.
C’mon give ‘em to me now, and I’ll just put ‘em safe.”

Quickly I reach out
My worn and veiny hand
And cover One
The bluest clearest one
So like your eyes, that rivaled Heaven
In Brightness and in Hue
The heart that pulses in this bead,
I know, is the day we first made love
You always looked so Young
When we came together
No matter how old we grew
I could ever see that boy in you
The Wonder and the Music
Bathing me like rain
After a drought

I slip the bead into the pocket of my robe
As Nurse approaches
They think that I remember Nothing
And thus I am the Master of the Game

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

i have loved you

Since the Dawn of Creation
I have loved you
And my Love rained down in torrents
Carving steep gorges, filling hollows
twisting roaring
Scouring earth and boulders from the Path
Cascading Falls plunging
From Heaven to Beneath the Darkness

From the Beginning of Time
I have loved you
And my Love blazed forth in molten sunlight
Awakening seeds sown by cosmic dust
Illumination, Sacred Fire
Making all things Possible

For millennia uncounted
I have loved you
And my Love sustains you
When Storms approach and Stars appear to dim
When Heaven seems a million miles away
I am here
So Know that soon the Sun will shine again

You are my Beloved
there is no Pain you can suffer Alone
no Night so Dark
that Dawn will not find you at last
and touch her rosy fingers to your face
your heart, your spirit,
remind you of the Joy of Coming Home

praise then Creation unfinished!
world borne
from fiery womb of world
mountains rear like angry beasts
stark and jagged-toothed;
roaring waters
rip and tear the earth
like paper
heaving giant trees aside
rending, destroying
praise then Being uncreated!