heart of darkness

in the hour before dawn

night's shadow enfolds the sleeping world

in her heart of darkness

cool and empty

a space of no Wanting

welcome respite from the Fire

ah! Fire!

that had saved me

awakened/lit the fuse of my Desire

warming glow to searing fountain

of flame

now engulfing that Secret Place

i thought was Safe

no Center, no Balance

chakras collapse into each other like broken puppets

cast aside for newer games

if the Center cannot hold, all love is lost

there can be no Gift of Self

if there is no Self to Give

enter midnight's womb

without stars or rays of light

to pierce the black curtain

now rung down on this Show

i receive the Darkness

like the Communion Host

sweet on my tongue

filling my soul

and spreading Quiet and Peace

within

and from that deepest stillness

emerge to Light again

i will not be a leaf

tossed and whirled by the current

but become the current itself

as it rushes to the sea

coming at last

to the Silence of wide waters

back to the unseen ebb and flow

of all Beginning

as the flower bends

to the weight of the bee

sipping Life

so i bend

to the blessed weight of Spirit

taking Joy in my essence

and returning Life to me

a hundredfold

glass bead game

 

 

 

                                                                                                                MC Escher  

 

The days slip off the chain of my life

Like beads from a broken necklace

Scattering

They roll under the dresser, under the bed

Lost in the carpet

Sucked into the ravenous maw of the vacuum

Along with cat hair, carpet fuzz and broken plastic toys

Discarded without thought

Or consciousness

I am thus depleted

 

Yesterday

In an overlooked corner

A bead of purple glass appeared

Held to the light, an image came to view

A summer day of years ago

When you and I were young

Our faces lit with so much love

More luminous even

Than the sun-drenched sky

That day, so long forgotten

In the Rush to Life

Opened the golden eyes of memory

And I could feel the hot sun on my skin

Hear the breakers crash and roar

Taste the salt air on my lips

along with your kisses

 

where had they gone,

these memories?

In haste, I scoured every nook and cranny

Finding sometimes one bead, sometimes two

Or more

And each one held a vision from my past

My father’s 52 Olds, that he named Susie

My mother putting wet laundry in the fridge

Till “the girl” came in to do the ironing

My brothers’ endless battles, my sister’s hacked up dolls

Girl Scout camp and family vacations

Fighting over the “back back” of our station wagon

Moving day and laundry day

And the day my brother died

 

You’d think I’d have remembered that

Our house festooned with black

Mirrors covered

Mother dry-eyed in the corner chair

Stunned beyond belief

No child noise in the house for once

All games put aside

In the vast moonscape of grief

So many long lost friends

Now dust, but vibrant still and glowing

In hearts of glass

Living forever in the eyes

Of those who can find

Just the right angle to capture the Light

 

Alas, here comes the Nurse

What was her name?

No matter

I know what she will say

“Miz Twinin’, y’all know you ain’t supposed

T’be playin with them beads.

Doc’ll Skin Me and I let you choke.

C’mon give ‘em to me now, and I’ll just put ‘em safe.”

Quickly I reach out

My worn and veiny hand

And cover One

The bluest clearest one

So like your eyes, that rivaled Heaven

In Brightness and in Hue

 

The heart that pulses in this bead,

I know, is the day we first made love

You always looked so Young

When we came together

No matter how old we grew

I could ever see that boy in you

The Wonder and the Music

Bathing me like rain

After a drought

 

I slip the bead into the pocket of my robe

As Nurse approaches

They think that I remember Nothing

And thus I am the Master of the Game

 

 

i have loved you

Since the Dawn of Creation
I have loved you
And my Love rained down in torrents
Carving steep gorges, filling hollows
twisting roaring
Scouring earth and boulders from the Path
Cascading Falls plunging
From Heaven to Beneath the Darkness

From the Beginning of Time
I have loved you
And my Love blazed forth in molten sunlight
Awakening seeds sown by cosmic dust
Illumination, Sacred Fire
Making all things Possible

For millennia uncounted
I have loved you
And my Love sustains you
When Storms approach and Stars appear to dim
When Heaven seems a million miles away
I am here
So Know that soon the Sun will shine again

You are my Beloved
there is no Pain you can suffer Alone
no Night so Dark
that Dawn will not find you at last
and touch her rosy fingers to your face
your heart, your spirit,
remind you of the Joy of Coming Home

praise then Creation unfinished!
world borne
from fiery womb of world
ever-changing
mountains rear like angry beasts
stark and jagged-toothed;
roaring waters
rip and tear the earth
like paper
heaving giant trees aside
rending, destroying
creating
praise then Being uncreated!