Never That Girl

 

I was never That girl

the one w Legs Up To Here

sleek and shining curls exploding

firm flesh sculpted Just Right

lookin Great in any clothes

that fell out of the sky and landed

all helter skelter but Perfectly

on her body

That girl all eyes follow

Perfect

Glowing

it’s she All the designs are designed For

stiletto heels sheer stockings and fragile silks

skirt hiding little

(I Did have a dynomite skirt I made from a pair of jeans

released the inseams and sewed a satin panel in the back

left the front Open Up To … well

… my mother was Not amused but I wore it

she disowned me

not really but it was a close thing…

I wore blue leather platform Boots w studs

I wore layers of nail polish metallic green blue blood red black

wore sequins on my face and glitter in my hair

Devine Decadence! as Liza said)

 

but I was Never That girl

the one All eyes follow as she glides

almost Above the surface of the earth

to wherever she’s going and people

especially men

walk into walls

and fall off of curbs

(I was With That girl once and walking

a bit behind her I Watched it happen

Laughed so hard I could Barely walk my own self

it was like an old tyme slapstick movie

as if Mae West was gyrating down the street

and the men on the sidewalk Literally fell off the curb

and/or walked into telephone poles

they couldn’t take their Eyes Off of her)

 

young women in their late teens early 20s

Every One of them Gorgeous

sleek lovely tanned

a few blonde one Latinx an AfAmerican

and my daughter of N8v American heritage

all talking about How Ugly They Were !!

Any One of them could have been in movies

Every one of them had Star Quality!

and me

plain ol me thinking

how we Do our girls and young women

make them hypercritical of themselves

of their appearance

so that even the Most Beautiful Hate themselves

and see in their mirrors hags & monsters

or Sad Orphans

or too fat too thin too white

too flat too busty

too tall too short too dark too light

too kinky too straight

too big too freckled too plain

too crooked too muscular too hairy

too too too too!

 

No Woman I have known

has Ever been Happy with her appearance

even women who Seem to Think they’re Beautiful

are Lying

deep down inside they’re Afraid

afraid they’re too too too too (see above)

even when they Act like they Think they’re All That

way deep down they’re cringing

and praying no one notices

how they’ve been Fooled by the makeup

the dyed hair

expensive well planned outfits

the jewelry

 

we must Sparkle men into Oblivion

so they Won’t notice the Real Aschenputtel

in the hearth behind the door

 

 

 

© 2020 pamela twining

 

 photo: Caitriona Balfe by Kip Carroll